Pick o' the Day: Introducing the Paradise and Son "Consistency" Award!

     As many people know, my son and I formed a 70's style rock/folk (fock? rolk?) band many years ago (which could easily be the topic of a future story or two), but we had a devil of a time trying to think of an appropriate and catchy name (that's another crazy story).  We settled (for the time being, until we think of something better) on Paradise and Son Music Construction Company (sort of an homage to our true founder, and Master Carpenter, Vaughn Paradise, who in many ways is ultimately responsible for our very existence, if you know what I mean).  Though we have been on a bit of a hiatus from the music biz lately (thanks to the toils and troubles life keeps throwing at us - thanks a lot, life!), we still nurture the lofty dream of perhaps, just perhaps, one day working up enough courage to take the stage at Open Mike Night at Poodies Hilltop Bar and Grill out on Highway 71.
     But that is not what this story is going to be about.  Instead, I want to tell you about the debut of the Paradise and Son Consistency Award.  This is a prestigious award created by an obscure, and slightly overweight, 2-man band to honor praiseworthy examples of consistency, products for the most part made in America that are consistently excellent and that never, I mean never, let us down.  Products whose decades of consistency literally put us to shame.  I, for one, am impressed with their consistency because I know how hard it is to be consistent in my own life (except for my consistently failing at most things I attempt).  And over the years, Eleazar and I have not been shy about vociferously praising a product that we have recognized to be consistently excellent and that has made our miserable lives just a tad bit better.

     But now we want to take it one step farther (or further, I never know which).  After much brainstorming, googling, and shouting at each other, we have managed to create a handsome, genuinely frameable, paper certificate that anyone would be proud to have on their wall.  We have signed it, and by golly we are going to mail it to the CEO of the company that makes the award-winning product as a small token of thanks for the happiness we have received from consuming said product for so many, many years (we'll probably mail it on Monday or Tuesday depending on which one of us can get to the post office before it closes).  I am sure you  are wondering what magnificent American-made product has won the very first Paradise and Son Consistency Award.  I will not keep you in suspense any longer.  I am extemely pleased to announce that the oh-so-worthy recipient of this award goes to .......................drum roll..................................................

Kraft Foods Miracle Whip!

The proud recipient of the first Paradise and Son Consistency Award is standing tall and looking sharp!

     This All-American beauty is well-deserving of this great honor for all of the joy she has brought to us for so many years.  In fact, many people consider her to be nothing less than a "jarful of happiness".  The consistent excellence of her tangy zip never fails to brighten and improve everyday foods like hamburgers, potato salad, and BLT's.  And she enjoys a special love-relationship with tuna, making it virtually unthinkable that they would not go hand-in-hand everywhere.  But it is her ability to elevate the lowly bologna sandwich to the rarified heights of culinary ecstasy that truly sets her apart from all other condiments.  Did I say "condiment"?  How crass of me!  She is hardly "just a condiment" when she can stand alone just fine all by herself, as lovers of Miracle Whip sandwiches know all too well!      

Miracle Whip is so unbelievably magical that it can even improve the taste of a bacon, lettuce, and tomato sandwich, something absolutely unheard of in the thousands of years of human history before it was invented.

     The ubiquitous Miracle Whip can be found in almost every refrigerator in America, and it is probably the only thing besides milk that makes a person feel a bit of panic about when he runs out of it.  Eleazar Paradise,  President of Operations and Experimental Cooking at THE (Tina-Helena-Eleazar) Paradise Household (Southside Manor branch) would like to add that Miracle Whip is simple in appearance but complex in taste.  The zip it provides to sandwiches, and not surprisingly to fish sticks as well, elevates the taste from just "tasty" to "Oh, My Goodness Gracious!"  "I've been tasting and testing various spreads for many years, and I must say that Miracle Whip always satisfies, and it consistently tops the list in our human test labs," raves the multi-talented taste-tester. " I can't think of any other product that deserves the Paradise and Son Consistency Award  more than this heavenly product which is emulsified by some fine folks at Kraft Foods (Miracle Whip Division).  Keep up the good work, boys!"

This is the award that is being sent to Kraft Foods as soon as we find a frame for it and one of us gets it over to the post office.

CEO Blaine Paradise (left) and President Eleazar Paradise (right) of Paradise and Son Music Construction Company pose with the certificate and two representatives of the Kraft Foods Miracle Whip Division.

     And so we will wrap up this award presentation by once again expressing our heart-felt thanks to Kraft Foods for their great service to mankind.  I am sure that just about everyone on Planet Earth will agree with us when we say that Miracle Whip is Number 1. Thank you for consistently being so good to us, Miracle Whip. Thank you for making us so happy.  Thank you for being you.


     A quick shout-out to Teresa for her lovely first-time comments, as well as to Ladea and Eleazar for their comments on Elephant Hunt!  Thank you to Genesee for becoming a follower!  Also, I just realized that it was really confusing trying to figure out how to leave comments after a blog post (I tried to do it myself and couldn't figure it out).  Eleazar has made some changes to the settings that make it a lot easier now to leave a comment.  So if you couldn't do it in the past, try it again sometime.