As we walk towards the front door, I notice the license plates on the cars parked outside reveal that the people within this fine establishment have driven here from all over the country. This can mean only one thing: their butts must hurt as bad as mine.
Old geezers are attracted to Cracker Barrel like moths are attracted to a naked light bulb.
Man, oh man. Looking around me, all I see are old, gray-haired people. What the heck am I doing here?
Could it be that the display of rocking chairs outside is a clever lure meant to attract the geezers to come inside and part with some of their money?
Grits? What the hell are grits?
I'm apparently never going to be smart enough to win at "Peg Solitaire".
It occurs to me that my favorite meal at Cracker Barrel (tender roast beef, mashed potatoes, and a double order of macaroni and cheese) does not actually require teeth to eat it.
A lot of the "antique artifacts" hanging on the walls and ceiling are actually tools I have used or toys I enjoyed playing with as a child. What does that mean?
The stone fireplace reminds me of the one my mother would stand in front of for hours cooking up homemade biscuits and prairie chicken stew in our sod house on the old homestead.
My wife sure is beautiful!
There's nothing like a hard, wooden chair to sit your sore, aching butt on after driving a thousand miles.
In all my visits to this place over the years, I don't think anyone has ever offered me a cracker.
Sitting and relaxing in one of the bathroom stalls is probably the best place to enjoy the country music being played over the loud-speakers.
As I am trying to pay the cashier, she actually has the nerve to ask me if I want to buy some little scented candles and other crap she has in a basket next to the register. Me! I am so taken aback by her rudeness, I can hardly choke out my answer of, "Hell, no!"
The rule is, after eating you have to give your wife some time to look around the store and do some shopping and stuff. It's best to accept this and not give her a hard time about it. Don't follow her around the store looking bored and disgusted and checking your watch and whatever. Just go outside and enjoy one of the rocking chairs (for free) until she finally comes out with her sacks full of bargains that saved you so much money.
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