Pick o' the Day: Dear Pickin' Blaine's Brain

Editor's note:  From time to time, Blaine will answer questions of general interest submitted by loyal readers.  No question will be considered too hard for him to answer.  Don't believe it?  Try to stump him!  Send your questions by email to blaineparadise@gmail.com or as a comment at the end of one of his blog posts.

Dear Pickin' Blaine's Brain,
This question has been driving me crazy for a long time now.  Which came first -- the chicken or the egg?
(signed) Crazy Curious

Dear Crazy Curious,
     Well, ain't that just about the stupidest... ... ... ... this kinda question just shows me you ain't all that bright and you're probably a livin' in the city and don't know nothin' bout livin' in the country and all.  Shoot!  I  had harder questions than this way back'n I was just a little feller in 2nd grade math class, where my teacher, Mrs. O' Hooligan, who was built like a red-haired Congo gorilla, with arms to match, would be a hittin' me on the head with a yardstick ever time I gave a wrong answer!  So, as you can imagine, I had to get used to comin' up with the right answers real quick!  But I'll go ahead and take the time to try to explain to you the answer to your question.  The answer, plain and simple, is ... the chicken.  You see, it's nothin' more'n common sense.  There have been plenty of times when I have gone out into my backyard to poke around in the chicken coop to rustle up some eggs so's I could make me a nice spinach quiche... (heh, heh, just kiddin'.  I ain't never made no quiche!)  ... so's I could fry me up some over-easies to go with my Jimmy Dean sausage (dang, that's tasty stuff!), and try as I might, I could find nary a one of 'em.  So... now stay with me... what I'm a sayin' is that there are times when I got plenty of chickens but no eggs to speak of.  But then let's turn it around for a minute.  Imagine me standin' there in my kitchen with an egg in my hand.  Well, there just ain't no way that could be possible unless there's at least one chicken outside in my chicken coop!  So you can have chickens and no eggs, but there's no way you can have any eggs without there bein' some chickens around!  So the chicken came first.  Got it!  Good!  I got time for one more question.



Dear Pickin' Blaine's Brain,
I think my girlfriend and I are falling in love.  How do we know if this love is real?
(signed) Dreamlover

Dear Dreamlover,
     OK, first of all, stop callin' yourself  "Dreamlover" (that can get you beat-up around these parts).  And even though I'm feelin' kinda queasy about this, I'll go ahead and answer your stupid question.  Without gettin' all sentimental about the feelings you might get when you're twitter-pated by a pretty face, I would have to say that if the other person still wants to be around you at all after gettin' to know the pathetic real you (not the fake you), then there's the chance it might be love.  This should take at least a couple of weeks, and during this time, the other person should experience bein' with you when you're happy, when you're sad, and especially when you're mad as hell about somethin'.  If she can still stand you after all that, it might be love.  But I'm talkin' about your average, everyday kind of fallin' in love.  For some of us, it don't take no fortnight to decide.  I knew for sure I was in love with my little lady when, on just our second date, I saw her load a hay truck all by herself.  The way she was a tossin' those hay bales around impressed me to no end!  And after bein' married for more'n 30 years now, I know I picked the right girl for me, as evidenced by the way she cooks them fine, fine meals and the way she tucks me in and reads me a story ever night until I go to sleep.  And her bein' such an important part of my life and all, I try my best to look as good as I can and not let myself go to pot and all.  It may've been good luck, or it may've been just dumb luck, but either way I really did luck out by meetin' her.  Anyway, I hope this helps.

A quick shout-out to Tina, Natalie, Ladea, Vitoria, and Zar for commenting on Vampire Baby!  We had a lot of fun with that story, and your comments made me laugh!  And thanks to everyone else for reading!