Pick o' the Day: Vampire Baby! Part 2

Vitoria Bella Cullen Dante's Diary
10 May, 2009, Miss Peckham's Finishing School for Girls, Castle Rock, Colorado

Dear Diary,
     I have just received a very strange letter from a very strange uncle of mine in Texas!  It seems he is worried about his granddaughter, my own dear cousin Helena, and he seems to think she might be transforming into a vampire!  How exciting!  And he is asking for my advice about what he should do about the situation.  Of course, I shall write him back at once, even though I am very busy with my own studies for my triple major of Pre-Med, Pre-Law, and Pre-Supermodeling (with a minor in Shakespearean Acting)!  Now, where have I placed my stationery and goose-quill pen?

Letter from Vitoria Bella Cullen Dante
10 May, 2009

Dearest Uncle Blaine of the Estate of Paradise House,
     It was such a pleasure to receive news from you, though I am distraught at the circumstances concerning my cousin, the beautiful baby Helena.  I, too, am worried, for I fear that she may be showing signs of one of the rarest of conditions, Vampirism!  Her photo was breathtaking, yet... her skin was as pale as Snow White, her eyes were as violet and vivid as those of Heidi, a Volturran Vampire that I have studied, and her teeth are as sharp as a shark's.  Other than that... she sure is cute!
     I appreciate all of the details that you put into your 12-page letter.  It has helped me in the upmost of ways.  I will certainly help you decode this situation.  Helena has many of the same symptoms that young Vampires have. The only thing that makes me believe she is not fully transformed is that she still drinks milk.  It is only blood red from the food coloring and not from... well... you know.  She is also still very obedient.  That is a good sign.  Her personality has not yet changed.  Hopefully, it will not.  In all of my years studying and learning about Vampires, I have never heard of such a unique case of Vampirism.  I am praying that the side effects don't kick in.  We may have caught this at exactly the right time.
     I, too, have been diagnosed with this rare, special, and awesome condition.  However, I asked for it, so it is a totally different situation (Go Team Edward!).  Promise me that you won't tell my Dad!  As hard as it is to hear, Vampirism is contagious.  There is a small possibility that I could have given it to my precious cousin.  I did smother her in kisses when she was here at the ripe old age of five months.  I couldn't help myself.  She was too cute!  If this is the case... then we must act quickly.  There is no time to waste!
     It is treatable.  She is still young enough to get rid of this.  First things first... you must make a big batch of my Dad's garlicky Shrimp Pasta.  Eat two full plates, loaded with Parmesan cheese.  Don't brush your teeth for two days (apologize to Aunt Teresa for me... it really is the only way to protect yourself).  This will saturate your body and hopefully keep Helena from gnawing on you.  We must complete this mission before midnight on All Hallows Eve.  She must give it to someone or something else by then.  If she doesn't, she will become a Vampire forever.  This is the easiest, as well as the only, cure that I know of.
     I am sorry this letter is so short, but I am the captain of my badminton team, and I am being called away for my match.  Give Helena a big kiss for me!  Ta, Ta!  And Bonne Appetite!
Vitoria B.C. Dante

Blaine Paradise's Journal
14 May, 3:00 p.m.     I have finally received my long-awaited reply from my dear niece Vitoria, and I am heartened to hear that we have a bit of hope after all!  I shall do everything she advises in her letter post-haste!  I have already dispatched my valet to the town to procure from the local grocer all the necessary ingredients for a double batch of her father Vito's Garlicky Shrimp Pasta, and I have immediately ceased brushing my teeth (not that I brush very often - my standard rule has always been to brush once a month whether I need to or not).  As soon as my valet returns, I shall prepare the pasta myself!

14 May, 9:00 p.m.     Oooooh.  I am soooooooo unwell!  I do not know which is worse, the violent projectile vomiting or the explosive looseness of my bowels!   Ohhhhhhhhhohohohooooooo!  I do not understand what has happened!  I prepared the pasta dish the traditional way, the way I was taught by Vito himself when I was but an eager young apprentice in his Italian kitchen (though I found it extremely odd that today the intense vapors from the garlic repulsed me to no end).  And though I have never had any trouble eating the pasta before (in fact, I have always found it to be extraordinarily sumptuous, especially when it is coated in a 2-inch layer of grated Parmesan cheese a la Dante-style), I could barely force the two platefuls into my gullet.  And now I am violently ill, and I do not know why!  Oh, no!  I fear my stomach and my bowels are both about to explode yet again, perhaps at the same time!  Back to the chamber pot I go!

2nd Letter from Vitoria Bella Cullen Dante
(sent by overnight express mail)
14 May, 2009

Dearest Uncle,
     Now that I think about it, I am surprised that you haven't changed into a Vampire yet yourself with all the gnawing that has been going on with Helena.  Wait a second... THAT'S IT!  Uncle Blaine, I am giving you fair warning, you may change into a Vampire!  YES!!!!!!!  THAT'S IT!!!!!!!  She knows that she must trade the Vampire Venom to you to save herself!!!!!!!!!!!!  That explains all of the gnawing.  All you have to do is trade it to another to be rid of it and get it out of your family's system before All Hallows Eve night!!!!!!!  Forget the garlicky Shrimp Pasta (it might make you very, very sick).  Instead, let her chew on you as much as possible!
     All Hallows Eve is five and a half months away.  You have time to transform and then pass it on.  You should be fine.  Unless...  oh, it doesn't really matter, it's impossible that would happen, so don't worry about it.  We'll just hope for the best!  Keep me up-to-date on the progression of the transformation.  Give baby Helena big kisses from her cousin, and let her know how much I love her.  Good luck, Uncle Blaine!
Love,
Your niece,
Vitoria

Blaine Paradise's Journal
15 May, 6:00 p.m.     As I sit here holding Vitoria's second letter in my hand, I cannot help but wonder how it came to be that she forgot to mention this very important information in her first letter!!!!!!!  Then I might not have eaten all of that garlic!!!!!!!  And then I might not have gotten so sick!!!!!!!  But at least I know now everything she wants me to know, so that I might be able to formulate a brilliant plan to rid myself of this insidious infection.  What to do... what to do?  Perhaps I should take my two ferocious Watch-Dachshunds for a walk around the estate grounds so that I might clear my head.  Yes!  That's it!  A long walk with my ferocious and deadly guard dogs!  To the kennels I go!

15 May, 8:00 p.m.     (Gasp!)  (pant! pant!)  Oh, thank heaven I (gasp!) made it back alive!  (pant! pant!)  I was nearly torn to shreds (gasp! pant! bleed! gurgle!) by my formerly trustworthy Watch-Dachshunds!  The foul-smelling brutes literally chased me around the entire estate twice before I managed to elude them and make it back inside (pant! pant! bleed! bleed! gasp! whine!)!  Why, oh why is this happening to me?

3rd Letter from Vitoria Bella Cullen Dante
(sent by Western Union telegram, delivered by messenger on 15 May, 8:30 p.m.)

P.S.  (stop)  Stay away from wolves or dogs of any kind for the moment  (stop)  They don't like Vampires  (stop)  And they smell really bad!!!  V.  (end)


A big shout-out to Vitoria Dante for co-writing this installment!  You are a wonderful writer, Vitoria Bella!  Thanks for your help!