But first, some background information concerning this prestigious award. It was instituted by my son and I in the Year of our Lord 2010 to honor praiseworthy examples of culinary consistency, products for the most part made in America that are consistently excellent and that never, I mean never, let us down. These are delectable creations whose decades of consistency literally put us to shame. As I said before, I, for one, am impressed with their consistency because I know how hard it is to be consistent in my own life (except for my consistently failing at most things I attempt). And over the years, Eleazar and I have never been shy about vociferously praising a product that we have recognized to be consistently excellent, especially if it has made our miserable lives just a tad bit better.
This award is not given out lightly, and it sometimes isn't awarded at all! (We actually forgot about doing this last year.) The first recipient was Kraft Miracle Whip, an All-American beauty and "jarful of happiness" that is well-deserving of this great honor for all of the joy she has brought to us for so many years. And this year's recipient is no less deserving of this fabulous accolade and the accompanying gushing compliments and testamonials. But before any more is said about our winner, let us announce his name! Drum roll, please! The winner of the Paradise and Son 2012 "Consistency" Award is...
Hunt's Manwich!
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| This year's proud recipient of the "Consistency" Award |
When you think about it, it's hard to improve the taste of regular ol' all-American browned hamburger, which needs only a little salt and pepper (with mustard and a couple of dill pickle chips) to make a great loose-meat sandwich. But way back in 1969, when I was just 11 years old, the geniuses over at Hunt's came up with a richly robust, tomatoey concoction one could mix into browned hamburger to make what they called the "Manwich" (one of the greatest names for a product in all of marketing history). Their magical advertising slogan was "A sandwich is a sandwich, but a Manwich is a meal", and after seeing their commercial showing happy, hungry men biting into thick sandwiches overflowing with tangy, meaty goodness, well...there was no way someone like me could resist begging his mom to get it for him. And, unlike that other time when I was about 3 years old and begged my mom to get me some spinach because I was a big Popeye fan, and it looked delicious when he ate it, and we all know what it did for Popeye, I was not shockingly disappointed after taking my first bite. Rather, I was rocketed straight into sloppy-joe heaven!
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| "It looks like ketchup, it tastes like ketchup, but brother, it ain't ketchup!" Homer Simpson |
Manwich is a prime example of what we around here like to call "happy food" (which is just what it sounds like: food that makes a person feel happy when he or she is eating it). It doesn't matter what kind of crappy job a man comes home from at the end of the day -- when he walks in the door and catches a whiff of Manwich on the stove, all his cares and worries fall away, and he is pulled trance-like into the kitchen where he quickly attains gastronomic Nirvana.
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| Men making a 'manwich' upon receiving news that Manwich is being served for dinner. |
Eleazar Paradise, Vice-President in charge of Operations and Experimental Cooking at Paradise and Son Inc., gives the following testamonial:
Hunt's brand Manwich Original Sloppy Joe Sauce is a fine example of what a North American feel-good home dinner should taste like. Manwich, with a name that easily rolls off the tongue, as if one is whispering "ambrosia" or "efflorescence," has been in my pantry for as long as I can remember. Like an old friend (preferably female) who is quick to provide a much-needed warm embrace, Manwich is consistently tough, bold, and full-bodied while making my stomach warm and satisfied with it's sweet aroma of earthy flavours, exotic spices, and complex undertones. It is nothing less than a delicious potpourri of flavours in an easy-to-open can, indicating a perfect blend of ingredients in perfect harmony with each other. The first bite into a Manwich sandwich is an explosion of taste, reminiscent of a reunion of sorts with some other long-lost friend I haven't seen since my last trip into the wetlands of Guacamajorno, New Guinea. The meal is fine and sloppy, as it should be, and I find that mine isn't complete without a large fork to help me devour every last bit of meaty goodness that might have dribbled off the bread and onto my plate. As the meal progresses, a small sense of sadness begins to grow in my mind. I realize that I'm soon approaching the end of this beautiful journey with yet another of my best of friends. But I know that, in the near future, this dear, dear friend will be back to visit me once more.
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| The award before it was signed. |
As if it needed any other endorsements, it also turns out our humble award winner is considered by many to be a "superfood"! According to scientists at ConAgra Foods, there is a full serving of vegetables in every Manwich, meaning every 1/4 cup of this product contains the equivalent of 1/2 cup of vegetables! I'm no mathmatician, and I don't understand how that makes any sense, but who am I to argue with smart guys like that? The only real complaint I have, though, is that most grocery stores are unsure as to where to place this wonderful product on their shelves. In some stores, I find it in the canned vegetables section, in others in the canned meat section (though it contains no meat of its own). It is always a challenge to find, guaranteed. The only place I never find it is in the tomato sauce section (go figure).
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| Unfortunately, the award recipient was unable to make it to the ceremony on account of he got et. |
And so we would like to end this ceremony by again giving our heartfelt thanks to the good people at Hunts who work tirelessly day in and day out to make a consistently excellent product for the benefit of everyone. Thank you. Thank you from the bottom of our hearts. Thank you.
